真希望你们能听到我的心声 I wish you could all be inside my head.
我脑中的对白简直是精彩纷呈 The conversation is sparkling.
还是跟你们分享一下吧 Fine, I'll tell you.
地衣是由菌类和藻类 这两不同的物种 A lichen is an organism made up of two separate species,
组成的复合有机体 fungi and algae.
如果你能跟别的物种结合 If you could merge with another species,
你会选哪种 原因是什么 what species would you pick and why?
提示 有正确答案的哦 Hint: There is a right answer.
你们肯定都猜不到 None of you will get it.
好吧 我会选天鹅 Okay, I'd pick swan because,
因为半人半天鹅 uh, the resulting hybrid would have
既能享受人类先进的工业文明 the advanced industrial civilization of a human
又能拥有我一直梦寐以求的优雅长颈 and the long graceful neck I've always dreamed of having.
错 莱纳德 Wrong. Leonard?
我选马 主要是因为马比较高 Horse, but mostly just for the height.
其次是因为生殖器比较大 A little bit for the genital girth.
错 能让这话题保持点格调吗 Wrong, and let's keep it clean, shall we?
我选袋鼠 Kangaroo, uh,
这样我就成了"犹袋鼠" I'd be Kanga-Jew.
我将会是第一个能灌篮的犹太人 The first of my people to dunk a basketball.
还不用住在你妈妈的房子里 Also instead of just living in your mother's house,
因为你可以直接住在她的袋子里 you could actually live inside her body.
挺妙的 但还是错 Clever, but also wrong.
人类最应该与之相结合的有机体 No, the best organism for human beings to merge with
是地衣本身 is the lichen itself.
这样 你既是人类 也是菌类和藻类 That way, you'd be human, fungus, and algae.
三面手哦 Triple threat.
像三豆沙拉一样 Like three-bean salad.
给我举个例子 证明这三面手有用武之地 Give me one circumstance in which that would be useful.
没问题 试想一下 All right, picture this:
一场高雅的户外音乐会 a beautiful outdoor concert.
作为人类 我能够欣赏贝多芬的音乐 Now, as a human, I appreciate Beethoven.
作为菌类 我能够沿着耸立的枫树生长 As a fungus, I have a terrific view,
以获得最棒的视野 growing out of a towering maple tree.
我也无需花钱买高昂的酒水 And no thank you, expensive concessions.
因为作为藻类 我以光合作用维生 Because as an algae, I'll just snack on this sunlight.
-他又赢了 -才不是 - He got us again. - No, he didn't.
无论怎样 如果你不介意 Anyway, if it's okay with you,
我们该讨论一下霍华德的单身派对了 we should talk about Howard's bachelor party.
我刚发表完关于地衣的大论 Seems like a bit of a letdown
你换谈这个 层次低好多啊 但... after our lichen conversation, but...
我也不苛责了 毕竟你是半人半天鹅嘛 what do you know, you're half swan.
我研究了一下脱衣舞女 I've been doing some research on strippers.
其中一家说 如果不在乎表演者 One agency I spoke to, said I could get us a great price
岁数与是否残疾 价钱绝对包君满意 if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
感觉挺有意思啊 Sounds like loads of fun,
可我已答应伯纳黛特 不找脱衣舞女了 but I promised Bernadette no strippers.
你居然不想找脱衣舞女 You don't want strippers?
装什么啊 你可是脱衣舞之王啊 You're the king of strippers.
北好莱坞的一家脱衣舞俱乐部 The one club in North Hollywood
还用你的名字命名了一根钢管呢 named a pole after you.
怎么说呢 我对那玩意已经不感兴趣了 What can I tell ya, I'm not into that stuff anymore.
不错啊 霍华德 真为你自豪 Good for you, Howard. I'm proud of you.
可你是我们几人中第一个结婚的 And still, you're the first one of use to get married.
总得干点特别的事吧 We have to do something special.
知道吗 德国人有个有趣的婚前习俗... You know Germans have an interesting pre-wedding custom--
估计不太适合我吧 Well, it's probably not for me.
去纳帕谷怎么样 Maybe we can go up to Napa Valley.
那里有品酒列车 They've got that wine train.
酒 坏东西 Boo, wine!
火车 好东西 我要加入 But yay, trains. I'm in.
现在这个时节 那里的景色很美 Anyway, it's a beautiful time of year.
穿行于葡萄园中 Uh, you travel through the vineyards.
火车上溢满葡萄酒的香气 There's a tasting on board.
漫山遍野的花朵争奇斗妍 And all the wildflowers are in bloom.
简直是仙境 Magic.
看啊 才过了三十秒 Look at that, in 30 seconds,
咱们从"玩女人"变"当女人" we went from hiring women to being them.
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翻译：solarbear Tina 小蛮腰 Joanna
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后期：孤帆 时间轴：YY
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校对：莉莉赛太公 马修YY猫 总监：YY
生活大爆炸 第五季第二十二集
听说你们几个 So, I hear you and the lost boys
今晚要开个单身派对呢 are having a bachelor party tonight.
是啊 就是去餐馆 Yeah, just going to a restaurant,
吃吃牛排 喝喝威士忌 get some steaks, and scotch.
-你不用担心 -我有什么好担心的 - Nothing to worry about. - Why should I worry?
始终是个单身派对嘛 Well, I don't know. It's a bachelor party.
兴许我们会找脱衣舞女来呢 There could be strippers.
你难道就一点都不吃醋吗 Wouldn't that make you a little jealous?
拜托 莱纳德 我对你放心都很 Oh, come on Leonard, it's you. What's going to happen?
即使真的有脱衣舞女 I mean, even if there was a stripper,
你也不敢跟人有眼神接触 all you'd do is avoid eye-contact
没准还会主动提出辅导她孩子功课呢 and maybe offer to help her kid with his homework.
拜托 我很年轻 欲火如日中天 Hey, I am a young man in his sexual prime.
天时地利人和具备 我也是能做出... Under the right conditions, I-I-I am capable of just,
非常疯狂的事情的呢 really crazy stuff.
是吗 那说说你与女人做过 Really? What is the craziest thing
最最疯狂的事情是什么 you've ever done with a woman?
你我于海中"翻江倒海"的那次可不算 And the time you and I had sex in the ocean does not count.
别这样啊 那必须得算 Oh, come on. That's got to count.
那天激流暗涌 我们可能随时葬身海底 There was a really strong undertow, we could have died.
祝你今晚玩得痛快啊 Well, have fun tonight.
放心吧 我会的 Oh, I will.
会发生什么事 我可不保证哦 There is no telling what might happen.
绝对没事 Yeah, there is.
帮特殊职业的女人辅导孩子过高考 You know, there's nothing wrong helping some woman's kid
也没什么不对吧 get through their S.A.T.'s.
我得好好夸夸拉杰 Hey, I got to hand it to Raj,
他找的餐馆还挺适合开单身派对呢 he found a really nice spot to have a bachelor party.
的确不赖 It's not bad.
但一与火车相比 这地方就相形见绌了 Unless you compare it to a train; then it stinks.
你在喝威士忌吗 Are you drinking whiskey?
没错 Indeed.
如果我要参与进这种社会习俗 If I'm to participate in the social convention
也就是这个单身派对 that is the stag night,
我就得接受所有的东西 then I must embrace all its components:
包括香烟 脏话 including tobacco, swear words,
当然还有酒 and yes, alcohol.
亲娘咧 太难喝了 Jeepers! That's yucky.
活动才刚开始 Whoa, it's a little early to start
就把亲娘挂嘴边骂 太快了吧 dropping J-bombs, don't you think?
-你们好呀 -你好呀 威尔 - Hey, you guys. - Oh, hey, Wil.
谢谢能来参加霍华德的派对 Nice of you to make it out tonight for Howard.
如果我不来这儿 Well, it was either this or another
《星际迷航》中苏鲁田光的扮演者
就得去乔治·竹井家参加泡澡派对了 hot tub party at George Takei's house.
我不太明白 I'm confused.
我以为自从我们和解之后 I thought since our reconciliation,
这帮人里只有我才是你的朋友 I was your friend in this group.
霍华德也是我的朋友 Oh, I'm friends with Howard too.
原来你只求数量 不求质量 I guess you're just friends with anybody.
莱纳德 Hey, uh, Leonard...
最近漫画书店的生意不太好 things are a little tight at the comic book store.
我可能需要你先帮我垫餐钱 I might need some help covering my share of the check.
没问题 Oh, yeah, no worries.
还有给服务员的小费 And maybe a few bucks for the valet.
可以 Oh, all right.
还有回家的油钱 And gas money to get home.
-当然 -太好了 - Yeah, sure. - Great.
你知道吗 这是我爷爷的手表 You know what? This is my grandfather's watch.
18K金的 战争时期从欧洲弄来的 18-carat gold, got it in Europe during the war.
不错 挺好看的 Wow, that's very nice. Mm-hmm.
一百块卖给你 100 bucks and it's yours.
各位 Hey, everybody!
派对主角来了 The bachelor boy has arrived!
* 他是个快乐的好小伙 * * For he's a jolly good fellow *
* 大家都说他是好小伙 * * Which nobody can deny *
没错没错 他个快乐的好小伙 Yes, yes, yes. He's a jolly good fellow.
请问脱衣舞女什么时候来 What time do the strippers arrive?
巴里 我们今晚没请脱衣舞女 Actually, Barry, we're not going to have strippers tonight.
那我找了两百块散钱搞毛啊 Ah, then what the frig did I get 200 dollars in singles out for?
你想买手表吗 You want to buy a watch?
首席伴娘艾米·菲拉·福勒 This is Maid of Honor Amy Farrah Fowler,
为你带来大喜之日 bringing you the wedding activities
前几周的婚礼活动 just weeks out from the big day.
看看这位年轻漂亮 容光焕发的美女 Let's check in with a beautiful, radiant young woman,
旁边那边 则是她的准新娘朋友 and her friend who's about to get married.
美女们 能说说你们在做什么吗 Ladies, can you tell us what you're doing?
这些是礼品袋 Um, these are gift bags
我们准备把它们放到外地宾客的房间里 we're going to put in the hotel rooms of our out-of-town guests.
这是一张帕萨迪纳的地图 This is a map of Pasadena.
这是一张本地餐馆的清单 This is a list of local restaurants.
还有给霍华德亲戚准备的 And then, for Howie's relatives,
抗组织胺剂[抗过敏] 抗酸剂[胃药] we have antihistamines, antacids,
还有治腹泻和便秘的药 and medicine for diarrhea and constipation.
我们在上面贴了"泻停封"和"泄挺疯" Yeah, we labeled them "stop and go."
好的 转到主要问题上 All right, pivoting to the big question:
伯纳黛特 洞房花烛夜 Bernadette, on your wedding night
你们将正式圆房 you'll be consummating your marriage.
新婚小夫妻打算采用哪种 What do you think your first sexual position will be
性交体位呢 as husband and wife?
艾米 拜托 Amy, please.
记住 谁在上 Keeping in mind that whoever's on top
谁就掌握婚姻大权哦 may set the tone for the marriage.
好了 别拍了 Okay, show's over.
他们说不定能在新婚之夜怀上孩子呢 Hey, they may conceive a child on their wedding night.
你不觉得孩子将来看到这个 Don't you think the kid might get a kick
会很高兴吗 out of knowing how it happened?
我不管 I don't care.
你应该问"会不会从霍华德的姓"这类问题 Ask her things like "Are you going to take Howard's name?"
而不是"谁会骑在谁的上面" Not "Who's going to sit on who."
我其实想过用连字符把两个姓串起来 I've actually been thinking I'm going to hyphenate:
伯纳黛特·玛丽安·罗斯滕科斯基-沃罗威茨 Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
不错 Nice.
你应该去注册一个 You know, you should totally get
伯纳黛特·玛丽安·罗斯滕科斯基-沃罗威茨网站 Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.com
以免被别人抢先注册 before someone snaps it up.
霍华德已经注册了 Howard already took care of it.
而且 他还建了个很漂亮的婚礼网站 Plus, he set up our beautiful wedding Web site
上面有我们两家家族史的小故事 with cute little facts about our family histories.
你知道吗 在波兰有一段时间 Do you know, for a while in Poland,
我们两家还是邻居 my family and his family were neighbors.
那太好了 Oh, that's cool.
一点也不好 我以后再跟你解释 No, it's not. I'll explain it to you later.
请大家听我说两句 May I have your attention, please?
我们今晚齐聚一堂 庆祝我死党霍华德 We are here tonight to celebrate the upcoming nuptials
即将步入婚姻的殿堂 of my best friend Howard Wolowitz.
干杯 干杯 Hear! Hear!
显然他是威尔·惠顿的死党呢 And, apparently, Wil Wheaton's best friend.
谢尔顿 Sheldon...
懒得鸟你 Talk to the hand.
有没有人想对 Does anyone have any words
今晚的主人公说几句 they'd like to say about our man of the evening?
我来 I do.
按照传统习惯 As is the tradition,
我准备了一些无礼的笑话 I have prepared a series of disrespectful jokes
来取笑霍华德 娱乐大众 which generate humor at Howard's expense.
准备笑到肚子疼吧 Prepare to have your ribs tickled...
霍华德 Howard...
我一直以为你会是我们当中最后结婚的人 I always thought you'd be the last one of us to ever get married,
因为你四肢短小 其貌不扬 because you are so short and unappealing.
我说的对吧 Am I right?
看看下面这个 Let's see here.
不过话说回来 霍华德 Oh, seriously though, Howard,
你其实是我认识的最聪明的人之一 you're actually one of the most intelligent people I know.
这是笑点 因为你不是 And that's a zinger, because you're not.
我一直以为 总有一天 I've always thought that you'd make
你会"做"个好丈夫 someone a fine husband someday.
前提是你能找齐零件 Assuming you'd be able to get the parts,
并拥有足够的工程技术 and develop the engineering skills
能把自己组装成好丈夫 不过应该是没戏吧 to assemble them, which I don't see as likely.
好笑吧 Hacha!
好 再看看这个 Okay... Let me see here.
好了 不说笑了 Okay, kidding aside--
霍华德 你是一个益友 Howard, you are a good friend.
我希望你幸福美满 And I wish you nothing but happiness.
逗你玩 我才不呢 Bazinga, I don't!
-谢尔顿 -还是逗你玩 我希望你好 - Sheldon... - Double bazinga! I do!
要跟上哥的思维 你得加油啊 Good luck following that.
霍华德·沃罗威茨要结婚了 So, Howard Wolowitz tying the knot.
要将疯狂的单身生活抛诸脑后 Leaving his crazy bachelor days behind.
他是个疯狂的人 He was a wild one.
不过 我们又何尝不是呢 Well, I guess we all kind of were.
我记得有一次 I remember this one time,
我和一个姑娘去了海边 I was with this girl at the beach.
我们在海水里 然后开始亲热 We were in the ocean and we started making out.
我知道这挺疯狂的 I know, it was crazy.
我连耐克户外鞋都没穿呢 I wasn't even wearing my Aquasocks.
接下来 Then...
没人想听 霍夫斯塔德 Nobody cares, Hofstadter.
总结陈词吧 Wrap it up.
好吧 Right.
敬霍华德 To Howard.
哥绝对"翻江倒海"过 I totally had sex in the ocean.
好吧 我来说几句吧 Okay, I'll go.
霍华德 当我想到你和伯纳黛特 Howard, when I think about you and Bernadette
马上要开始共筑美好人生时 starting this wonderful life together,
我就情不自禁地想哭 I can't help but get a little choked up.
我是说 I mean...
你看看你 look at you.
坐拥一切 You have everything.
你再看看我 Look at me.
我都三十七岁了 I'm 37.
还住在漫画书店的后面 I sleep in the back of a comic book store,
而且我的骨密度 堪比八十岁的老头 and I have the bone density of an 80-year-old man.
敬霍华德 To Howard.
-谁是下一个 -我来 - Um, uh, who's next? - I'll go.
霍华德 我要说几句大家心里有胆想 Howard, I'm gonna say something to you that everybody's thinking
却没胆说出来的话 but no one has the courage to say out loud.
当你邀请一个男人参加单身派对时 When you invite a man to a bachelor party,
潜台词就是 现场会有脱衣舞女 the implication is, there will be strippers.
或许不是一丝不挂 Maybe not completely nude,
但至少得看见小内内或丁字裤吧 but at least pasties and G-strings.
这要求相当合理 That's not unreasonable.
-说得好 说得好 -说得好 说得好 - Hear, hear. - Hear, hear.
好了 还有谁要说两句吗 Okay, uh, anybody else?
没了吗 Huh? No?
好吧 那就由我这个伴郎来压轴吧 Okay, it all comes down to me, the best man.
这杯开胃酒把人家喝得"性致"大开哟 Ooh! This grasshopper is kicking my ass-hopper.
言归正传 当我第一次来到这个国家时 Okay, okay, when I first came to this country,
我不懂如何待人处事 也不懂如何穿衣打扮 I-I didn't know how to behave or how to dress,
更不知道什么才叫做酷 人家那时候很寂寞 or what was cool...I was pretty lonely.
可当我遇到霍华德之后 But then I met Howard,
突然间 我的人生就此改变 and suddenly, my life changed,
因为有人陪我一起寂寞 because we could be lonely together.
这个男人变成了我的全世界 This man became my whole world.
说得好 小美人 Yeah, nice speech, Francine.
我还没说完呢 不过谢谢 I'm not done, but thank you.
我回想起... I think back....
我们曾共度的美好时光 ...to all the good times we had, like, uh,
比如说 我们那次去露营 when we went camping and spent that night
彻夜不睡 分享彼此的小秘密 telling each other all our secrets.
我告诉他 我很爱修脚 I told him I'm addicted to pedicures
而他告诉我 他的初夜给了他的表姐 and he told me he lost his virginity to his cousin.
那是我的远房表姐 She was my second cousin.
也是你第一个让人"不满足"的性伴侣 And the first woman you ever disappointed sexually.
逗你玩呀 逗你玩 Ba-da-bazinga!
没错 还有一次 Oh...oh, yeah, and then there was the time
我和莱纳德带霍华德去拉斯维加斯 when Leonard and I took Howard to Las Vegas
我们雇了个妓女 让她假扮成犹太人 and paid a hooker to pretend she was Jewish
然后勾搭他 说想吃他的犹太"小黄瓜" and that she wanted his little kosher pickle.
在所有的"霍华德搞妓女"的故事中 Of all the "Howard humping hookers" stories,
我最爱的就是这个了 that one's my favorite!
好了 兄弟 够了 坐下吧 Okay, buddy, that's it. Sit down.
还有那个在动漫节上 Oh, oh, what about that tubby girl
扮成美少女战士的胖妞 in the Sailor Moon costume at Comic-con?
不记得了 坐下吧 Don't remember. Please sit down.
那是我这辈子唯一一次3P经历 The only threesome I've ever had in my life,
而且我很自豪地说 就是跟这边这位男人一起干的 and I'm proud to say it was with this man right here.
我求求你闭嘴吧 Oh, please shut up.
千万别误会 Oh, oh, don't get me wrong,
我和霍华德之间什么也没发生 nothing happened with me and Howard.
我俩中间还夹了两百磅的美胖女战士呢 There was about 200 pounds of Sailor Moon between us.
这段子绝对要在网上红爆了 Oh, Internet, this is so going all over you.
亲娘咧 我喝高了 Jeepers, I'm drunk.
谢谢你来接我们 Thank you for picking us up.
威士忌瓶子上还贴着一条警示标语呢 There's a warning, right there, on the scotch bottle.
老弟 一杯下肚之后 You cannot be operatin' heavy machinery
绝对不可以操作重型机械哦[苏格兰口音] after you had a snootful of this, laddie!
好好笑 Funny.
你们几个玩得开心吗 You boys have a nice time?
还不错吧 Yeah, it was great.
如我保证般 十分低调 Low-key, like I promised.
没有乱来 没有脱衣舞女 No hanky-panky, no strippers.
只是一堆男人讲讲笑话而已 Just the guys telling jokes.
不错啊 That's nice.
你呢 你今晚玩得开心吗 How about you? Did you have a fun night?
不错 我们包了一下礼物 喝了点红酒 Yeah, we, uh, made gift bags, had wine,
然后上网看到了这个 and then went online and saw this.
在所有的"霍华德搞妓女"的故事中 Of all the "Howard humping hookers" stories,
我最爱的就是这段了 that one's my favorite.
其实这离我家已经不远了 You know, we're not that far from my apartment.
你可以把我放下来 让我自己走回去吧 If you stop the car, I can walk from here.
你哪也别想去 3P男 You ain't goin' anywhere, Threeway.
-伯纳黛特 听着 -你骗了我 - Bernadette, listen... - You lied to me.
你说你向我坦白了你所有的女人 You said you told me about all the girls you've been with,
可你从未提过你还睡过你的表姐 but you never mentioned your cousin,
妓女 还有拉杰 the prostitute or Raj!
说真的 你都用不着停车 Seriously, you don't even have to stop the car.
只要车速不超过每小时十英里 Anything under ten miles an hour
我就能安全跳下车 and I can combat-roll into the street.
好吧 我要澄清一下 Okay, just to set the record straight,
妓女不是我雇的 那是他送我的礼物 I didn't hire the prostitute, she was a gift from him.
你真不知廉耻 拉杰 Shame on you, Raj.
在美国 你可不能这样对待女人 That is not how we treat women in this country.
你少把一切都推到他头上 Don't you try and blame this on him.
-谢谢你 伯纳黛特 -闭嘴吧 变态 - Thank you, Bernadette. - Zip it, pervert!
我不知道我该怎么办 I don't know what I'm going to do.
再过两个礼拜我就要嫁给霍华德了 I'm supposed to marry Howard in a couple weeks
可我不确定我是否还对这男人了若指掌 and I'm not sure I even know who the man is anymore.
我很好奇你最郁闷的是哪件 I'm curious what's bothering you most:
近亲乱伦 招妓 the borderline incest, the prostitute
还是跟穿得像儿童卡通的女孩玩3P or group sex with the girl dressed as the children's cartoon?
艾米 还记得我教过你 Amy, remember when we went over things
什么话该说 什么话不该说吗 that would be helpful and things that wouldn't?
记得 Right.
-那我刚才说的话... -不该说 - And that was... - Not.
我初识霍华德时 觉得他很纯良 When I first met Howard, he seemed so innocent to me,
只是个跟妈妈同住的善良小伙 just a sweet little guy who lives with his mother.
你要是喜欢这样的男生 Well, if that's what you like,
我可以带你去漫画书店 I'll take you to the comic book store--
那里都是这样的小伙 the place is full of 'em.
等下 Wait a minute.
是你撮合我和霍德华的 You set me up with Howard.
你当时就知道他做的全部恶心事吗 Did you know about all the creepy stuff he was into?
一点点吧 道听途说而已 Well, a little. You hear stuff...
你为什么不告诉我 Why didn't you tell me?
我想告诉你的 但我觉得 Well, I was gonna, but I didn't think
你们肯定撑不过第一次约会 it would go past the first date.
撑过之后 我又觉得 Then, when it did, I thought for sure
等见完她妈妈 你们俩也该分手了吧 it wouldn't go past you meeting his mother.
最迟等到滚过床单后 也肯定该分了 Definitely not past the two of you sleeping together.
处处都是警告信号 I mean, the warning signs were there--
要怪也只能怪你 this is really on you.
老天啊 God!
亏我还把你当朋友 I thought you were my friend.
你刚说的 也是不该讲的吧 I don't think that was helpful.
小妮妮 还是我 Hi, Bernie, it's me again.
请给我回电 Please call me back.
兄弟 我太对不起你了 Dude, I am so sorry.
这不是你的错 是我的 It's not your fault, it's mine.
事都是我干的 不是你 I did all that stuff, not you.
事实上 有一件倒是你们俩一起"干"的 Actually, you did do one of them together.
给 Here.
这是什么 What is this?
你很低落 You're upset.
按我的习惯 要给伤心人一杯热饮 The convention is to bring an upset person a hot beverage.
不是 我是说这是什么热饮 No, but what is it?
鸡汤 Chicken broth.
犹太人也都爱喝鸡汤嘛 It seemed culturally appropriate.
而且 这一整块鸡精块 Also, there was a single cube of chicken bouillon
从我刚搬进来就在那橱柜里了 in the cupboard when I moved in
这事困扰了我八年之久 and it's been bothering me for the last eight years...
正所谓 一石二鸟嘛 So, as they say, two birds.
我不知道接下来该怎么做了 I don't know what my next move is.
霍华德 我不大了解女人 Well, Howard, I don't know much about women...
-然后呢 -没了 就这句话 - Yeah? - No, uh, that, that's it.
我不大了解女人 I don't know much about women.
拉杰 你有建议吗 Raj, you got anything?
我有漫画展上那个胖妞的电话号码 I've got the phone number of the tubby girl from Comic-Con.
我才不打给漫画展认识的妞 I'm not calling the girl from Comic-con.
好吧 All right.
那美胖女战士 我独享咯 More Sailor Moon for me.
我把单身派对吐光光了 I just threw up the bachelor party.
求你出来吧 伯纳黛特 Please come out, Bernadette.
我们来谈谈 Let's talk through this.
不要 别理我 No, leave me alone.
或许你该以其人之道还治其人之身 Perhaps you should give him a taste of his own medicine.
你有没有特别迷人的表兄弟 Do you have a cousin who you find attractive?
艾米 Amy.
是你把那个下流胚子介绍给她的 Hey, you introduced her to the sleazebag.
我只是帮你收拾烂摊子 I'm just trying to clean up your mess.
我想找伯纳黛特谈谈 I need to talk to Bernadette.
她现在估计不想跟任何人谈吧 Well, I don't think she wants to talk to anyone right now.
好吧 能请你至少帮我转告她吗 All right, well, could you at least give her a message?
当然 Yeah, sure, I guess.
告诉她我真的很抱歉 Tell her I'm really sorry.
如果她不想嫁给我了 我能理解 And if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it.
但我真的想让她明白 But what I really want her to know
她所厌恶的那个我 is the guy that she's disgusted by,
也是我所厌恶的 is the guy that I'm disgusted by, too.
但昨日种种譬如昨日死 But that guy doesn't exist anymore; he's gone.
正是因为她 我才改过自新 And the reason is because of her.
如果她要跟我分手 So, if this relationship is over,
请帮我告诉她 是她让我成为更好的男人(重获新生) let her know that she made me a better man,
帮我谢谢她 and tell her thank you.
天啊 霍华德 Oh, my God, Howard.
那是我听过最动人的话语 That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
而且还是你这货讲出口的 And it came out of you.
华仔 Howie?
佩妮有话要转告你 Penny has a message for you.
我都听到了 I heard.
你的声音跟你妈的一样 Your voice, not unlike your mother's,
穿墙入耳 travels through walls.
需要我离开吗 Do you want me to go?
不 No.
过来 Come here.
我还在很气你呢 I'm still really mad at you.
我明白 I get that.
你的过去 还有什么是我该知道的吗 Is there anything else about your past I should know?
还有几件吧 但大多数都发生在海外 Couple things, but, you know, most of them happened overseas.
我之后再告诉你 I'll tell you later.
好吧 Okay.
婚礼还继续吗 So, is the wedding still on?
好啦 婚礼继续 Yeah, the wedding's still on.
感谢老天 Oh, thank God.
我还可以当伴娘 I'm still a maid of honor!
管他呢 Oh, what the hell.
这场面好热辣啊 This is kind of hot.
你怎么穿着睡袍啊 What's with the robe?
我要在此时此地 I'm gonna have sex with you right here,
与你 在那台洗衣机上翻云覆雨 right now, on that washing machine.
没门 No, you're not.
来吧 求你 Come on, please.
你真想做什么的话 If you want to do something,
帮我一起叠床单吧 you can help me fold this sheet.
穿着内裤叠床单 还是很疯狂 Folding a sheet in my underwear, still pretty crazy.